||[Oct. 8th, 2007|08:50 am]
what a motherfucking past ten days its been-i dont really want to go into detail|
but basically we are living in Malibu now. the exact thing i was tryng to have NOT happen...LA...but whatever...its alright....i guess...but i still fucking hate this place
but whatever--our land is up away from all the superficial bullshit so I only have to step into horrorville when i want to. i told him i would start the shoots again but only if he was there so i couldnt dabble in my past and only is it was paying big $. stores are buying the jewelry--thats dope. i figure if i can find one rich old couple that likes them theyll put in a huge order and thatll cut it in this city.
the 20 acres are beautiful. neptunes net is right at the bottom--french fries whenever! every night i fall asleep under a full sky of stars and i awake to the ocean views and windy gusts. its quiet. healing. its nice to be able to breathe again...
its not going to be easy. we're still on the move everywhere. and my body is still feeling it all. im still unsure. not about him....but about myself. its different everyday but im trying. i dont really want to give up. so im going to try not to.
our roommates girlfriend robbed us straight up the day before we moved out pretty fucking bluntly. she broke into the garage and stole some expensive shit we had. we left the city tho without doing anything. she can go eat shit for all i care. they all fucking can...rawr...
i got a letter from BRAD--motherfucking BRAD...decided it was time to come around again (what a test) and say his piece...this is what i got in my mail titled "WTF"
---So I'm looking for a mutual friend on Sunny's page and I see dHi... My stomach turns to a knot... Look at how beautifull you are, even more now than ever before... I knew that was coming... I saw all of this in you... You look so open, expressive, and beautifull...
It is really hard for me to see pictures of you, but it also colors my day... I think of you everyday, and I need to tell you that I Loved you then and still do... you are very special to me, I've never been more attracted to someone in my life. I MEAN IT! I am not saying this to stir up past emotional shit, I'm saying it just in case you did't know.
You must know how much you really meant to me... I am not expecting a message back, or for you to let your guard down and recieve this message, but I can't go .. that week of our split, holding in the truth of what I felt for you... I was so defensive, scared and insecure about what to make of the situation. And I know I did not convey my heart to you.
I am really happy now, I can see you are too, and please hear me when I say... "You are so special to me, so beautifull, so perfect and I will always hold you in my heart, ALWAYS..." Love Brad---
come the fuck on brad...thats all i have to say...